xaminmo: Josh 2016 (Default)
Sharon ran across a recipe that looks amazing. It is very similar to my mom's recipe, except they use melted butter in place of the oil+butter_flavoring; and they use twice as much icing.

reference: https://www.facebook.com/sharon.haney5/posts/10154380633143017
Read more... )
xaminmo: (Josh 2014)
So this, right here, is the definition of a biscuit:

Drop biscuits do not count. Monolithic biscuits do not count. They must be cut with a cutter. They must be made with lard or shortening. They must be folded, with flour, so they have multiple layers. Bisquick is okay to save time, but the layers are important.

xaminmo: (Josh 2004 Happy)
I was at a school in south Arlington. So many little details about the school snd people. It was probably the 1950s but not really. Something happened politically and a small atomic bomb went off to the east.

My mom and I knew it first because we already saw it happen and came back in time to stop it. Unortunately, we could not do anything about it.

My mom had time cloned herself and her clone was going to sacrifice herself. She was calling herself Penny. I was sad, because a already knew that both of them would die.

The school was directly in the wind path, and we could not get anyone to leave. After the blast, it was about sheltering in place.

The VIP room was having breakfast for people who arrived that day. Mom and I had breakfast yesterday, but the selection was better today. McCaffrey's family was there, and a grandmother who was social, but would reach over and stir someone's food with her finger, then splash the food, when they were not looking.

I was sad, because I was stuck here, in a second iteration of this horrid day.

I left to go help people, but it was too close. Everyone was doing the same things as last time. A gathering to talk about the conflict, then the boom in the distance.

I walked. I knew my mom was dead, and I figured I could teleport or jaunt home. I couldn't. I was outside and saw the mushroom cloud on the near horizon, drifting slowly towards us. Maybe it was my upset, or the people around me, but I realized I could not teleport anymore because my mom was dead. Both of them.

I walked home. I had not veen tgere in a long time. I saw transit bussed all along, but they were too slow. Soo many stops. No one knew about the blast but a few people called out that it sort of looked like a mushroom cloud. It was.

I walked into a house that looked like my mom's, but expanded, rearranged, and renovated very nicely. A nice, big, friendly dog was there. A lady wa on the phone and I mouthed "sorry" to her as I left. No problem. The dog followed me out the screen door.

I was sad, but would be okay.

So I woke up, and it sucked. I was going to call my mom and tell her about it.

Then I remembered she is really dead in real life as of 2005-12-26. It was like a nuclear bomb went off. I don't think I'll ever "get over" the death of my mom. I don't think anyone ever really does. She is the anchor, until she's not.

But you learn to move on. By now, most days are fine, but once in a while, I'll indulge the sadness and the memories for a minute. This dream had all of the emotions.

Mom would have loved to see the kids growing up.
xaminmo: Josh 2016 (Default)
Set oven to 350 (preheating)

Cream well:
2 cups sugar
1/2 cup shortening
1/2 cup oil
1/2 tsp vanilla
1/2 tsp butter flavor

Add 5 yolks (emulsifiers), one at a time, and stir after each one.

Once it's all creamed, add:
1 cup buttermilk

Then, add the dry team
2 cups flour
1 tsp soda
1 cup Angel Flake coconut (Canned is better than dry bagged)

Add the whites
Beat 5 egg whites until stiff
Fold egg whites gently into batter

Bake the cake
Pour equally into 3 round 8" cake pans.

Bake for 20-25 minutes at preheated 350 degrees F.

Melt and mix the icing in a double boiler
8oz cream cheese
1 stick margarine or butter
1/2 tsp vanilla
1/2 tsp butter flavor

Once melted, add:
1 box powdered sugar

Once smooth, add:
1/2 cup chopped pecans

Cool icing by placing pan/bowl in cold water.

Once the cake is out and cooled, spread the icing between layers, then on the top and sides.

Let set up overnight in the fridge.

Note: Individual slices freeze very well and are extremely tasty while still frozen.
xaminmo: (Food Cake Italian Cream)
My favorite cake of all time is Italian Cream Cake.

And not just any, but the recipie my mom made.

In her oven, with the slightly undercooked center.

So, I calculated the calories of a 3 layer, 8" Italian Cream Cake of her recipe.


Did you catch that?


Assuming 12 even slices of 2" wide, each slice of cake was 829.416 calories.

What's best is when you slice it up cold, then freeze each slice separately.

Then, it's like ice cream, only better, and with more fat, and more calories.

What's even best is the last one that was made for me by mom's recipie, I think Jenn made it for me, I did this and one day I had FOUR SLICES.

That's 3317.6 calories, or my entire BMR for one day.

Actually, my BMR is 2999 now.

I'll have to slice the cake thinner next time, and hide some of the slices in the back back of the deep freeze. :)

CORRECTION: 8" cake, not 12" which puts 1/12th at 2" vs 3.14".
xaminmo: Josh 2016 (Default)
I used a pic of me from when I was 21, and merged it with the same old man face...



They look sort of like mom.
xaminmo: Josh 2016 (Default)
I was in some other town. It was similar to Santa Fe but was more spread out, easier to navigate, completely homey feel.

We were visiting Erica's family.

There were lots of parts where I was walking around.

There was a place where for a few hours, all of the boys and girls swapped bathrooms and locker rooms all over the city. It was frustrating.

The women's restrooms said Frau, but it was as long as Frauline, but it wasn't Frauline.

I borrowed Jim's truck a couple of times.

At one point, I pulled a small chain to break it free from some other kind of chain in his truck bed. It broke, freely, because it's one of those folded wire chains. I used it to chain a small grill to the carport. I figured it wasn't safe, but was enough to stop the casual walkerby. I forgot to unchain it after whatever.

There were interesting tunnels from downtown fort worth to here. As in, short walk covers hundreds of miles.

I had friends there, and there were all sorts of dreams chained together, but I only remember the last one.
Read more... )
xaminmo: Josh 2016 (Moon Animation)
SO, there are these plastic coasters from mom's house.
evolution of thought )
xaminmo: Josh 2016 (Default)
So, Mr. Halverson put in an offer for mom's house.
It was within $1k of what I felt was the ideal price.
Closing costs will be minimal -- no real estate agents.

We have until June 31 to have the house cleared out.
Lu Ann and Jenn are working on the estate sale portion.

It's good, but weird still.
xaminmo: Josh 2016 (Moon Animation)
Friday was a good day. Lots of heavy lifting.
Even into Saturday. There's satisfaction in throwing out shit, filling a dumpster.

Much of the stuff was crap that needed throwing away 2 decades ago, but you know, crap piles up slowly.

But, Saturday afternoon until Sunday afternoon was really tough.

I mean, we got so much accomplished, but still.
2 days of sifting through my own and my mom's memories.
They were stored, piled up, even lost dreams.

Most of the stuff went into a 40yd dumpster.
As in 8ft x 7ft x 20 ft on the inside (plus or minus a couple of inches).

Then it started weighing on me.

The house has been in the family since 1949 or so when it was built.
Barring a couple of years here or there, I grew up there.
This was "my mom's house" -- a permanent fixture.

It's about 950 sqft inside, plus a 1-car garage and a fifth of an acre lot.
The sheds are falling apart, unsafe, so we cleaned them out mostly.
Lots of childhood memories in storage. Some destroyed from rodents, some ok.

There's a swing set. My dad put it up when I was 6.
I remember getting on it when it wasn't ready and it fell on me.
Actually, I remember sitting in the seat,
then I remember being helped off the ground.
I blacked out for the actual fall part.

I remember the shed being built.
"Dad, what are those football shaped things?"
"Those are knot holes."
"I know it's not a hole; what is it?"

I remember the green paint.
I found the old paint can for it too.
I found the old paint can for my book case.

So there's still a bunch to be thrown out.
There are about 20 book boxes to sort, plus some more papers.
Jenn, Lu Ann and Glenda are sorting those this week.

I think there's still stuff in the Attic,
but not a whole lot considering what we cleaned out of the garage.

The house doesn't fit my life, so I can't really keep it.
It still makes me sad to let it go.

We're going to try to sell it this year.
There's a man who has been buying some of the houses in the 'hood,
fixing them up and being landlord to renters.

Andy at the end of the street moved to the neighborhood when I was 4.
She worked for Johnson & Johnson, but was also the lady for hire to do yard work.
She recommended the guy to us.

The guy does his own repairs.
The house needs a little work, mostly maintenance.
It could be made rentworthy for probably $3k to $5k.
If could be made fantabulous for $8k.

This seems like a much better thing than getting a broker.
If he likes the house, I think we'll get a fair price from him.

Though, I think he already likes it.
He did a quick walkthrough on Sunday and will be back on the 9th
when he can get under the house and check there.

Makes me think we should fumigate under the house.
I'm pretty sure there's more than bugs under there.


Thinking of the house not being ours it tough,
sort of like the tough of thinking about how many years I have to go without my mom.
xaminmo: Josh 2016 (Default)
Cream well
	2 cups sugar	   
	1/2 cup shortening	   
	1/2 oil	   
	add 5 egg yolks one	   
	at a time, stir after	   
	each one	   
	2 cups flour	   
	1 cup buttermilk	   
	1 tsp soda	   
	1 cup Angel flake 	   
	1/2 tsp vanilla	   
	1/2 tsp butter flavor	   
	Beat 5 egg whites until stiff	   
	   fold into batter gently	   
	Pour equally into 3 cake pans	   
	     round 8 inch ones best	   
	Bake at 350 degrees (preheated)	   
	     for 20-25 minutes	 

	1 8 oz pkg cream cheese	   
	1 stick margerine or butter	   
	1 box powdered sugar	   
	1/2 cup chopped pecans	   
	1/2 tsp vanilla	   
	1/2 tsp butter flavor	   
	Place everything except 	   
	powdered sugar and nuts	   
	in a double boiler. Melt &	   
	blend then add sugar.	   
	Stir until smooth then add	   
	nuts. Cool by setting pan	   
	into cold water. Spread between	   
	cake layers then top & sides.	   
	Best if baked and iced the day	   
	before. Favors meld better when	   
	refrigerated over night.
xaminmo: Josh 2016 (Default)
The last weekend of April, we may need some help in Arlington.
We'll be cleaning out my mom's garage and possibly sheds.
We'll have a rent-a-dumpster.
We may need help with carry and toss.

Anyone willing to help? We'll start Friday, Apr 28 and finish Sunday, Apr 30.
xaminmo: Josh 2016 (Default)
Goodnight, bless you
Let angels possess you
you'll make dreams of another life
don't think it's too much
to close your eyes and leave us

in strange places we come undone
and the building blocks
sometimes have to crash
not meant to last
like a mother's love

it's real life, it's all true
you know how i'll miss you
in quiet moments i'll come undone
and the building blocks
sometimes have to crash
not meant to last like a mothers love

sleep comes when all is laid to rest
that's when you'll find what you're looking for
strange feelings you can't explain
wild forces you can't contain

and the building blocks
sometimes have to crash
not built to last like a mother's love
peace comes when fear is laid to rest
that's when you'll find what you're looking for
xaminmo: Josh 2016 (Default)
There's a site with alot of Hymns and traditional songs, recorded and released to the public domain.
The site is called About-Him.com.

OMFG. Almost EVERY SONG is converted to C&W (We got BOTH types, country AND western!)
So suffer with me and listen to their rendition of "Saints Go Marching".
I forgot to mention -- it took a while for us to realize that they might not be drunk.
xaminmo: Josh 2016 (Default)
In my head, I really just want to go fly to every city I've got friends, get a hug, then fly again to the next city.

I'm thinking there needs to be some sort of NYE shindig at the house if people aren't already occupied. If everyone already has plans, then maybe NYEE instead. :)
xaminmo: (Josh 2014)

Beverly Sue Busse Davis

BSBD, Beverly, Sue, Beverly Sue, Beverly Sue in the Red Tutu.

summary, dissertation, memories, and thanks for one of the most amazing people on this planet )

Mom Update

Dec. 26th, 2005 06:40 pm
xaminmo: Josh 2016 (Default)
She was given 2-7 days, depending on progression.

Her Creatinine levels were up this AM, but I don't have numbers.

She has a 50ug/h fentinol patch, and if she gets uncomfy, she gets 1/2cc morphine (dunno how many mg that is, maybe 15?)

The Dr confirmed our statements that when she was still lucid, she didn't want dialysis if it wasn't going to be a very very temporary thing. We're taking her home tonight or tomorrow for home hospice.

I'm a little worried, because she still has an IV, so has taken on fluid.
Her hands have gotten puffy again and are tender.
Most of her skin is tender and I don't want her to be physically injured during the move.

For the move, she'll probably get some morphine so she's less uncomfy.
It'll definitely take alot out of her, but she really didn't want to die at the hospital.

She flaps her arm a little from time to time. It sort of conveys an impatience in the way she does it. Either she's wanting us to shoosh, or she's just waiting to go and wishes it would hurry up since it's not getting better -- Maybe both -- maybe just some weird dream going on.

She woke up when Jenn tripped over the fan in the room. Her eyes openned, but she can't really see and can't really come awake. She has no energy left. Even that loud noise, she went back to sleep in less than a minute.

She isn't "gone" per se. She still responds to having an O2 mask on (doesn't like it, pulls it off), feet wrapped up in blankies (wiggles feet loose), or touching anywhere her skin is swolen from the fluid. She just doesn't have enough oomph to really come-to.

Anyway. I'm done with my sorting out expenses. Since I'm not going to the job site this week, I can't personally justify billing the expenses. They did go on the company card, so I filled out the expense report as not billable and sent info/explain to my boss.

My aunt is signatory on mom's acct we think, and the general, standing order has been expenses related to travel, administration and etc for a passing family member are billable to the estate. Sounds dry. It's a little wierd. It makes sense, but not until she passes. I guess there's 2 neurons in the back of my head saying she's not dead yet.

Anyway. I need to pay bills tonight. I have a bunch that came in the mail.


Dec. 26th, 2005 08:55 am
xaminmo: Josh 2016 (Default)
Here's an interesting exercise for those of you who are new parents.

Think about how much you love your kid(s).
Think about how they have redefined your very comprehension of "love".

Now try to imagine that from YOUR parents,
because THAT is what they felt, not what you remember feeling growing up.

I always have known that my mom loves me, and I have always loved her.
She's very special to me in ways that descriptively are the same as what everyone else says about one of their most beloved, but internally, is very unique to me. She just has such a special and unique set of pieces.

Mom update

Dec. 26th, 2005 08:52 am
xaminmo: Josh 2016 (Default)
It's possible things are going down hill fast and she won't have to drag on alot.

The problem is that we can't find in writing anywhere that confirms what she said on not wanting to be on dialysis, or be hooked up to a machine, or otherwise trapped in a hospital.

The Sunday before last that she didn't want it, and a month before, and it's been long standing. She said she'd rather die at home than spend her last days stuck on a machine. She only allowed Jenn to get her to a hospital because mom was hurting so badly.

So Jenn is a little worried that mom may code soon. I was up until 4am and so I'm only awake since she called me. I need to get up there and see for myself.

Jenn is running home because she thinks she has this in email from mom and I couldn't find it in my mailboxes.

We're still waiting on lab results and to hear from Dr. G this AM.


xaminmo: Josh 2016 (Default)

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