xaminmo: (Josh 2004 Happy)
Rickrolled a professor:


E.T. and Star Wars:
xaminmo: Josh 2016 (Default)

Erica joined "stick in the mud" and "better than a poke in the eye."

"Better than a poke in the mud."

Mine was pretty awesome too. The fam was watching The Avengers, but it was skipping. I said, "I can pull it out and polish it for you.". Everyone died at the insufficient context for "it" as spoken.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

xaminmo: Josh 2016 (Default)
Funny Fill-In: The Mad Inventor (Khai, Max, Daddy, Khai, Max, Daddy, repeat)

I was going to be rich! I had just invented the first electric Max. Using an oversized chainsaw from Ralph's toolbox, I built it out of old super-thin chips, metal planets, and rubber pebbles. The first time I turned it on, the machine worked jumpily. I couldn't believe it! "Baby Hippos!" I yelled, shambling up and down. I quickly invited a leafy billionaire to check out my invention. I couldn't wait to sell it for INFINITY million dollars and live like Mario the Plumber. But when I turned it on, something went terribly hairy. The machine started leaping and sleeping. Suddenly it spewed sewer juice and shot slices of rump roast in all directions. The billionaire started screaming at the top of his rumps and rumped out of my lab. Good thing I still get my weekly allowance.
xaminmo: Josh 2016 (Default)
Props to American Flyers for the joke.

NOTE: For non-airplane geeks, APU = Auxiliary Power Unit. This is basically a small, fuel powered generator that is not part of the main, propulsion based power plant. It's used to spin up some turbine engines, and to provide electric or hydraulic power in various situations (some normal, some not).

Tower: Airline XXX, it looks like one of your baggage doors is open.
Captain: (Scans FE panel) Ah, thanks tower, but you must be looking at our APU door.
Tower: Okay, Airline XXX, cleared for takeoff.
Captain: Cleared for takeoff, Airline XXX

During takeoff roll...
Tower: Airline XXX, Ahhh... It appears that your APU is leaking luggage...

DNA quotes

Nov. 23rd, 2009 09:04 pm
xaminmo: Josh 2016 (Default)
When you blame others, you give up your power to change.

In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.

Population: None. Although you might see people from time to time, they are most likely products of your imagination. Simple mathematics tells us that the population of the Universe must be zero. Why? Well given that the volume of the universe is infinite there must be an infinite number of worlds. But not all of them are populated; therefore only a finite number are. Any finite number divided by infinity is zero, therefore the average population of the Universe is zero, and so the total population must be zero.

Now, the invention of the scientific method and science is, I'm sure we'll all agree, the most powerful intellectual idea, the most powerful framework for thinking and investigating and understanding and challenging the world around us that there is, and that it rests on the premise that any idea is there to be attacked and if it withstands the attack then it lives to fight another day and if it doesn't withstand the attack then down it goes. Religion doesn't seem to work like that; it has certain ideas at the heart of it which we call sacred or holy or whatever. That's an idea we're so familiar with, whether we subscribe to it or not, that it's kind of odd to think what it actually means, because really what it means is 'Here is an idea or a notion that you're not allowed to say anything bad about; you're just not. Why not? - because you're not!

Imagine a puddle waking up one morning and thinking, 'This is an interesting world I find myself in, an interesting hole I find myself in, fits me rather neatly, doesn't it? In fact it fits me staggeringly well, must have been made to have me in it!' This is such a powerful idea that as the sun rises in the sky and the air heats up and as, gradually, the puddle gets smaller and smaller, it's still frantically hanging on to the notion that everything's going to be alright, because this world was meant to have him in it, was built to have him in it; so the moment he disappears catches him rather by surprise. I think this may be something we need to be on the watch out for. "

Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.

"There is no point in using the word 'impossible' to describe something that has clearly happened."
Read more... )
xaminmo: Josh 2016 (Default)
A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and
spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me,
can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I
don't know where I am."

The woman below replied, "You're in a hot air balloon hovering
approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees
north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."

"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist. "I am," replied the woman,
"How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is, technically
correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information, and the fact
is I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything,
you've delayed my trip."

The woman below responded, "You must be in Management." "I am," replied
the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you're
going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air.

You made a promise which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people
beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same
position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault."
xaminmo: Josh 2016 (Default)
An individual, later discovered to be a public school teacher, was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a compass, a protractor, and a graphical calculator.

Authorities believe he is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement.

He is being charged with carrying weapons of math instruction.
xaminmo: Josh 2016 (Default)
Q: In an underpowered twin, what is the role of the second engine?

A: It doubles your chance of engine failure, and it will fly you to the scene of the accident.
xaminmo: Josh 2016 (Default)
WIFE: "What would you do if I die? Would you get married again?"
HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"
WIFE: "Why not - don't you like being married?"
HUSBAND: "Of course I do."
WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"
HUSBAND: "Okay, I'd get married again."
WIFE: "You would? (with a hurtful look on her face).
HUSBAND: (makes audible groan).
WIFE: "Would you live in our house?"
HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house."
WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"
HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"
WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?"
HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new."
WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"
HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."
WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?"
HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed."
WIFE: - - -silence - -
HUSBAND: "Shit."
xaminmo: Josh 2016 (Default)
'The scientists in Sandusky who come in direct contact with wild birds say they have to be careful not to contract that dreaded avian disease, chirpies, because it is untweetable. (It is so dreaded because it is a "canarial" disease, you see.)' - Alton K. Marsh, AOPA Pilot Magazine, August 2005 Volume 48 / Number 8, Bird Strike - What to do when birds fill the screen.


Jun. 23rd, 2008 01:43 pm
xaminmo: (Max 2008-03-31 Teeth Hair)
xaminmo: Josh 2016 (Default)
(2008-04-29 23:09:18) Erica: OH and Khai was talking in his sleep so I went in there. He was sitting up in bed and said, "yeah, that's pretty awesome." he then tried to take a bite of doggie before lying down again. Heheheh!!!
(2008-04-29 23:09:34) Erica: chewing action and all. it was grrreat
xaminmo: Josh 2016 (Default)
Hi. I'm Magic Johnson with a few tips on destroying the Death Star.
xaminmo: Josh 2016 (Default)
I've been outside. It's overrrated.

Traditionally Outside receives extremely high ratings by those who like to see others play it, and these people are in many cases comfortably ensconced Inside themselves. Outside was released many years ago, it was in fact the first massively multiplayer game, and yet it has always managed to avoid the double-edged Retro tag. In its favor, continual user updates have kept Outside current; there are always new things to see and do Outside. Participants are permitted, to some extent, to modify their own areas of Outside, which is a large part of the fun of the game. However it seems that in the end one is modifying Outside largely for the sake of it, and having done it, there is a distinct feeling of "now what?"

In terms of the traditional target age content metrics, Outside is remarkably high in sex, violence and challenges to traditional values, despite the strong child-focussed marketing it receives. Many would go so far as to say that for a child to develop the ability to cope with Outside is essential, as long as the harm incurred is not too debilitating. Children injured playing Outside are usually comforted by parents, and soon encouraged to go Outside again; this leads to the conclusion that somehow Outside has escaped any and all of the usual moralizing that surrounds the videogaming industry. One might say that Outside gets a free pass from the Jack Thompsons of this world.
That aside, how does Outside actually rate? )


xaminmo: Josh 2016 (Default)

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